Several years ago, when I still thought Fantasy/Sci-Fi conventions were good places to sell books, we came up with a promotion to give away fortune cookies stuffed with "alternate" fortunes.
This met with mixed results.
- About 50% of the recipients laughed.
- About 40% said "huh?"
- The remaining 10% got mad (including one miscreant who crumpled up the fortune and threw it at us).
- Eeewww. You got the fortune cookie that fell on the floor.
- You will join a political party headed by Patrick Stewart.
- Something awful will happen to you on November 31.
- Your clone will become Emperor of Greenland.
- People will say you remind them of Lucius Cornelius Sulla.
- Never trust anyone named Marvin Backstabber.
- Your next saving throw versus petrification will fail.
- Your cell phone number will be in Al Sharpton's rolodex.
- Never take a class in javelin catching.
- You have a strange fascination with stinging arthropods.
- This fortune was meant for someone else.
- A Ugandan social servant will send you a big check.
- A broken watch is right twice a day—unless it's digital.
- sdrawkcab siht gnidaer er'uoY
- Your favorite elements are tungsten and boron.
- You will not need a brain transplant for at least three months.
- Never buy a car made in Portugal.
- Your true love is currently married to a 40 ton coelenterate on the planet Gortox.
- You will get a thank you card from the IRS.
- You know how to play Domjod.
- Ill fortune will stalk you like a three-legged platypus.
- The next fortune is true. This one is false.
- You will buy 36 million lottery tickets and still lose.
- You will be the ship's lawyer on Star Trek: Generation X
- You secretly root for the daleks.
- Never let anyone convince you that you can breathe liquid oxygen.
- A law degree will come in handy.
- You will start a website called "www.chewbacca-obsession.com"
- You will accompany Spock and Bones on an away mission.
- You've called the writers of Sesame Street, "a nest of vipers."
- Your true love's alignment is chaotic evil.
- A mental disorder will be named in your honor.
- You will have an exhibit at the Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum.
- You will be made fun of on a Simpson's episode.
- You will write a letter to your senator demanding that dihydrogen monoxide be removed from the water supply.
- Nothing of note will happen to you next Thursday.
- Yours will be the first Yeti-related death caught on film.
- At least three people will mistakenly call you "Ralph" before the end of the day.
- You will become wealthy after responding to a spam email message.
- You will become famous playing the part of "Grimace" in the off-Broadway production of Golden Arches.
- Beware of clairvoyant confections.
- An anime series will be based on your life called "Happy Danger Power Student"
- You will become famous making organic meat products out of roadkill.
- Barbara Walters will interview you from prison.
- You will be Scott Bakula's running mate in 2024.
- You'll realize your comic book collection is worth millions exactly one day after your mother throws them all out.
- You will receive a nasty paper cut from this fortune.
- You will join a religious cult that thinks Dennis Miller is the messiah.
- You will be mangled in a horrible weedwacking incident.
- You will claim the world record for longest duodenum.
- You will be fired from the Windows 2020 project for lack of ignorance.
- Your entire future can be summarized in one word: reticulated.
- You will utter the word "spirochete" in your State of the Union address.
- You will die performing a stunt as Adobe's "Acrobat" mascot.
- You will have exactly 8,314 bad hair days, including today.
- You will lose proprietary data after accidentally ejecting your hard drive.
- Your head will grow another head, and so on.
- You will be Wendy Jo Sperber's running mate in 2028.
- Your friends will start calling you Tom Bombadil after you read them this fortune.
- Mr. Tumnus will eat all your Turkish delight.
1 comment:
I am supervised by # 5! ,,have pity on me.
Post a Comment